Reassurance
by thesoundofasmile
Summary: Derek's life had been turned upside down and flipped sideways in a matter of days. Coming down from it all, he finds himself calling an old friend as he looks for reassurance and guidance.
_Fair warning - this references season 11's "A Beautiful Disaster" so if you haven't seen it yet, I'd recommend doing that before you read this, lest things be spoiled for you._

* * *

 _"It is so hard to leave - until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world." -John Green, Paper Towns_

Emily's eyes blinked sleepily as she tried to orient herself. It was late. Or maybe early? It was definitely dark outside though. Unless…maybe it was just overcast outside? She still wasn't used to going long-stretches without seeing the sun, despite what the jokes about her pale skin her assistant made on a weekly basis might imply.

Her eyes finally opened when she realized what had woken her up in the first place – her phone was vibrating on the table, the screen lighting up with a call. She let out a groan as she reached over to pick it up. It couldn't be the office. Not again. Not after she had _just_ gotten home after essentially spending an entire week sequestered in her office.

She closed her eyes and debated for a moment whether to answer the call at all. She hadn't been on the phone all week thanks to holding meeting after meeting, and going over the plan for an upcoming major security operation in minute detail. This of course meant that her assistant no doubt had a long list of calls neatly arranged for her to respond to. And that was just the office line. Lord only knew how many missed calls, and messages she had sitting on her cell phone right now.

But her curiosity got the better of her as she blindly swiped to accept the call and held the phone up to her ear without checking the display. "This is Prentiss," she said tiredly, her tone admittedly a little gruff.

"Is that any way to greet your favourite former partner?"

She smiled at the sound of his voice – it had been awhile since they had last talked. "That's the _only_ way to greet my former partner," she replied easily.

"You forgot the favourite part," he pointed out.

"No I didn't," she teased, her smile widening.

"Now that's just mean, Em."

"I just tell it like it is, Derek," she said with a light laugh. "Now you going to tell me why the hell you woke me up in the middle of the night?"

"Oh shit," he exclaimed. "I totally forgot about the time difference."

"Whaddya mean you forgot? Derek, I've been in London for _years_ now. And I know for a fact that you have a college degree…"

"Hey, give me a break, I've had a rough couple of days," he defended.

Her brow furrowed at his response. She knew about his abduction and torture six months earlier. He'd reached out not long after he'd been released from the hospital and asked about how she'd coped after Doyle. It had been a painful, but ultimately productive conversation for them both. But 'a rough couple of days' didn't exactly sound like it was PTSD flaring up, and she hadn't heard from anyone on the team about anything-

Wait.

She'd barely been checking her phone all week thanks to being stuck in her office… Had she missed something major? Shit. Shitshitshit.

"Rough couple of days?" she repeated, asking the question that had her stomach tied up in knots all of a sudden. She felt like a horrible human being – let alone friend – for having checked out for a whole week. One of them could have _died_ and she wouldn't have known.

"You don't know?" he answered her question with a question, and it made Emily's stomach twist even further.

"Know what?" she replied quickly, dread spreading quickly through her body. She heard him let out a heavy exhale and fought the urge to start biting the nails on her free hand. "Derek," she prompted, "what's going on? What happened?"

"Well, you're going to have to get your butt over here soon to meet your newest nephew."

Emily's mouth dropped open in shock. Savannah had the baby already? But it was too early… Maybe that's what Derek was talking about – maybe that's what had caused a rough couple of days. Yes, that made sense.

"You still there, Em?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Yeah," she croaked. "Wow. Congratulations, Derek. That's amazing. You better send me some pictures. Like, as soon as we end this call."

"You got it, Em," he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice. Still – there was something else lurking in his tone. He hadn't told her everything – that was for sure.

"How's it feel?"

"Amazing," he answered immediately. "And absolutely terrifying," he added after a beat.

She chuckled. "I bet. Savannah's okay?"

"The doctors are keeping a close eye on her, making sure the bullet wound doesn't flare up or anything."

Wait. Bullet wound? What the-?

"Bullet...?" Emily echoed, her tone conveying her confusion.

"Oh," he said softly, "right, you don't know."

"Derek, you better start explaining things," Emily said, trying her hardest to keep her voice even and calm. "From the beginning," she added.

He didn't fight her on her request, and began talking almost immediately. She listened intently as he explained the events of the past few days, every twist and turn in the story making Emily wish desperately that she was stateside. He sounded like he needed a hug, and it pained her that she couldn't give that to him. The shock of his story left Emily feeling unsettled, and seriously wondering if she should be looking at flights in the morning.

"But she's okay?" Emily asked tentatively.

"Yeah."

"And you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," he replied quickly.

"Really?" Emily pressed, knowing he shared her tendency to downplay things.

"I promise, Emily. I'm okay."

"Okay," she said as she nodded. "And baby Morgan? He's okay too?"

"Well, he was born premature, so they've got him all hooked up in the NICU to help him catch up, and they're keeping a watchful eye on him, but all things considered, he's okay."

"Good. And does he have a name?"

Derek's face split into a wide grin. "Hank Spencer Morgan."

He heard Emily's soft inhale after his answer and knew she understood the significance of both names. "So you named him after family."

"Yeah," Derek replied quietly. "Hey, Em?" he said after a moment.

"Mmm?"

He stayed silent for a moment, gathering his courage. "I'm leaving the team," he said finally, his voice still quiet and his tone wavering on that edge of tentativeness.

Emily let his words sink in. They were surprising, and yet in a way they weren't. He'd always put the job first, but that was because he never had anything else to really put in front of it. When he met Savannah, things had shifted and the job had started to slide backward in importance. Emily had noticed that in the way he spoke about Savannah, and the way JJ, Spencer, and Penelope described how he was around her. He'd fallen in love, and realized there was more to life than the job. He'd fallen in love and realized that chasing bad guys and kicking down doors wasn't the be all and end all of life.

He wanted to be there for his son and watch him grow up. He wanted to be home for dinner and grow old with Savannah. He wanted to stop chasing evil and start chasing the good in the world. He wanted his happy ending, and Emily couldn't deny that he'd earned it.

"It's hard," Emily said thoughtfully after a few moments, "but it's worth it."

"I don't know how to tell them," he admitted.

"Your family needs you," Emily began. It was a deliberate choice of words on her part. "They'll understand that. They'll understand that because they're a part of your family too."

"Yeah," he said with an exhale. "I just-"

"The guilt fades, Derek. It takes awhile, but eventually you realize it was for the best."

"Are you happy, Em?"

His question startled Emily somewhat. It was unexpected in some ways, and had her wondering where his head was what. "Yes," she replied confidently. "I hate that there's an ocean between me and you guys, but moving here was something I had to do, and I'm happier for it."

"Good."

"Derek?" she said, her voice quiet and full of worry.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" she repeated her earlier question, the time hoping for a real answer.

He didn't answer right away, but Emily let the silence linger, knowing he was contemplating his response. "No," he said finally.

"Talk to me, Derek," she said quietly. "Tell me what's going on in your head."

He let out a frustrated exhale. "I'm walking away from the thing that's defined my life for over a decade, and it's not even phasing me. The job doesn't matter to me anymore. How does that happen? How does the thing that _was me_ for so long not even matter all of a sudden?"

"You're a father now," Emily answered simply. "I think parenthood has a way of reprioritizing things for people."

"I'm scared it's not really over, Em."

Emily felt her heart break at his words. He sounded genuinely worried and upset. "He's in prison, Derek. It's over," she reassured.

"But there are so many more killers that we put away over the years – and you know as well as I do that the criminal justice system can fail…what if one of them comes back? What if one of them goes after my family?"

Emily let out a sad sigh. She knew his line of thinking all too well. Doyle wasn't the only dark mark in her past, and there was a long list of people who would probably love to put a bullet in her head.

"That's not going to happen, but if it does, then you'll be right there to protect them," she said firmly. Her words were met with silence, and so she pressed on. "Do you hear me?"

"Yeah," was his eventual reply.

"You're gonna be an amazing dad," she said, a smile creeping onto her face and replacing the expression of concern and sadness. "Hank is one lucky little guy."

"You think?"

"I know," she corrected gently. Silence hung on the line as Derek let her words sink in, and Emily grappled with what to say. She heard another exhale chock full of emotion from him and knew she had to press the matter even further. "This job," she began slowly, still forming the thought as she started to speak, "it weighs on your soul. It's the hardest thing in the world at first, and you're acutely aware of the darkness. But as the years roll by, you start to deal with it and you stop realizing that it's taking little tiny pieces of you with every case. And when you get to doing it for as long as you and I have, you start to realize what it's taken from you and how far you are from the person you set out to be."

She paused for a moment as she tried to reconcile her thoughts with what she wanted to say. "You're moving on not only because your family needs you, but because you need your family too. They're going to help you heal you, and heal your soul."

She waited for him to respond in some way, but a part of her knew that he didn't have any words to say. "It's not leaving, Derek. They'll still be in your life, just not as colleagues. They'll still be your friends and your family, and I think that shift in dynamic will do a world of good for you. It did for me."

Emily heard a muted sniffle and felt her heart clench. "When did you get so wise anyway?" he asked with a chuckle. She heard the tears and was a little surprised. Derek Morgan didn't cry…

"I've always been wise, you're just starting to listen to me now," she replied with a smile. It had the intended effect as it let them transition away from the heavy conversation.

He laughed again, this time a little more deeply, and Emily let out a sigh of relief. He'd be okay.

"Thanks, Em," he said, hoping his sincerity came across and that she understood everything that he was grateful for.

"Anytime," she replied. "I mean that – any time you need to talk, or vent, or need someone to talk to while you rock your baby boy to sleep…I'm here."

"I might just take you up on that."

"Good. Now go and kiss your wife and give my nephew's hand a squeeze for me," she instructed.

"You got it, girl. Go get some sleep, _Chief Prentiss_ ," he teased.

"Pictures! Don't forget the pictures!" she said, choosing to ignore his taunt.

"Yes, yes. Don't worry, I won't forget."

"Bye, Derek. Take care of yourself, okay?"

"You too, Em. Good night."

She ended the call and dropped her phone on the bed beside her as she closed her eyes and sank back into the pillows. She massaged the bridge of her nose as she let her mind wander back over everything Derek had told her.

He'd almost died…he had a son…Savannah was shot…he was quitting the BAU… God, how things could change in a heartbeat. It didn't seem real.

Her phone chimed and she opened the message, finding a picture of Derek holding little Hank. A smile spread on her face as she looked at every detail. She could see so much of both Derek and Savannah in Hank. And Derek had such a serene look of joy on his face, she knew it was the happiest he'd ever been in his life.

The worry that had settled in the pit of her stomach when Derek had told her everything began to ebb away as she stared at the photo of father and son. Derek would be okay. She was proud of him for making the decision to leave the BAU – it showed how much he'd grown and how dedicated he was to being the father to Hank that his own father would be proud of.

A thought popped into her head and she did a quick Google search on her phone for what she hoped already existed. She grinned as she found exactly what she was looking for – a onesie with a well-known Kurt Vonnegut whimsical sketch on it.

She attached a picture of the onesie and tapped out a quick message, _"My gift to Hank. It should arrive in a few weeks. Make sure you get him started on the classics early."_ before hitting send.

Not more than a few seconds passed before her phone chimed again with a response.

 _"I'm going to make a very strong argument that he wear this home from the hospital. ;)"_

Emily felt another smile spread and found herself chuckling lightly. Yeah, he was gonna be okay.

* * *

 _So...thoughts? Let me know._

 _I watched the episode and couldn't help but wonder what he might've said to Emily if she'd been there, and that got the wheels turning a bit...a few hours later, this was the result._


End file.
